when you are part of the air and remember things

As I have moaned about, I am in quite a limbo state about my work, I think the mini summer project asking for "a piece of work best representing my current interests" has been a good thing for me as I realy am trying to pin down what that is, and in that struggle, am making a lot. Not a lot that Im actualy that happy with, but its still good to be doing. I think its having completed a foundation where really you are just continually trying to make work for a portfolio for an interview to get a place on a course, just like at A level, and not really for you. And I know my final major project came after that but it still felt like a conclusion to all that other work. Even though it was a really good example of the type of thing Im interested in, I feel the aesthetic of it in particular- I have really exhasuted. And even though I continue to be attracted to that type of work its not what I want to do. I think. So Im in the midst of a quarter life art work crisis, thing. I know what Im drawn to, but trying to coherantly and concisely and articulatley sum up my interests, in one piece, I am drawing a bit of a blank. I finnished a sketch book of musings and collections of crap I like and have made and put together etc. But no piece on its own sums it up, and I considered using the book itself as one piece, like an object as all the bits did work better in relation to each other. But again, I feel like it doesn't quite show what Im about. And its a tad nerdy to show up on the first day with a whole sketchbook, not realy worth it for what it is as well. In the past few days I think I've come a bit closer, I found these photographs of my Dad's that aren't really any good but they have a light and a colour and a mood about them that is quite nice and represents a sort of era or a generation, and even though I am removed from that generation I think I can relate to the age of them, teenage-ness about them. I am reading a lot of books, by coincidence, from the perspective of an angstful teenage mind at the minute, all quite different- Perks of being a wall flower, Less than Zero and Catcher in the Rye. So maybe that is influencing me. That sort of sense you can't really describe you just know when you're of that age. Glimpses. I've gone on and on about glimpses before but realy that's what it does come down to in my work; glimpses that show things about people and times and places. Highlighting them in strange ways that you might not have thought about them in before. But how to represent that in one piece? Ugh. Rut.